There’s seemingly endless commentary about talent shortages, technical upskilling, and preparing workers for an “AI-driven” future. But the skills that will most impact the future viability of organizations aren’t technical. They’re human skills—and we’re losing them.
Gallup’s 2025 employee engagement data showed dismal results. Just 3 in 10 people are emotionally invested in their work, the lowest rate in a decade. This is despite billions invested in the employee experience, countless rollouts of well-being and inclusion programs, and a surge in perks and recognition initiatives.
But if you look deeper into the Gallup data, you’ll spot the driver of persistent disengagement: just 39% of employees say that someone at work cares for them as a person, down from 47% five years ago. That data punctuates a series of reports over the last five years showing that 30% of workers feel invisible or “flat-out ignored,” only 46% feel valued, and close to half say they feel lonely at work.
We aren’t facing a “disengagement crisis” or a “loneliness epidemic.” We’re facing a mattering deficit.
Mattering is the experience of feeling significant to those around you, stemming from feeling valued and adding value. When we feel that we matter to others, we’re more motivated, engaged, and creative. We’re also more likely to trust others. But when we feel that we don’t matter—as so many today do—we languish. We withdraw, exert less effort, or act in ways perceived as toxic.
We cannot solve this mattering deficit through more initiatives, programs, pay, or perks. We can only solve it through higher quality interactions.
The problem is that for the last 25 years, we’ve been silently losing the essential human skills of seeing, hearing, and valuing one another, which has led to widespread low-quality interactions.
And now, we need these skills more than ever. While artificial intelligence can do most of our technical and operational tasks better than we can, it can’t take moral responsibility for them, be accountable to another human being, or cultivate care or trust.
As more individuals and organizations rely on AI for technical and operational work, the human skills for building trust will be in greater demand than ever. And as more people realize that AI can’t care for them, the desire for caring relationships will only intensify.
That’s why, on the World Economic Forum’s list of the top 10 most in-demand skills for 2030, 8 of 10 were human and relational skills, such as empathy and active listening, curiosity, leadership, and social influence.
So, what happened? How did we lose these essential relational skills?
On December 3, 1992, an engineer sent the first text message. Since then, we’ve used short digital transactions to communicate with one another, whether on our devices or work-based messaging platforms. That’s great for connectivity and efficiency but destructive for our social skills.
For example, if you give me some bad news today, I can send you a sad-faced emoji and type, “I’m sorry to hear that.” I don’t have to sit with you, actively listen, seek understanding, and show compassion.
Each time we avoid an opportunity to practice real-time active listening, for example, the skill weakens. Psychologists call this skill decay. Research shows that skills can begin to decay within 1-2 weeks of consistent lack of use.
Consider this: The average adult now sends around 42 text-based messages to peers and colleagues per day. Time spent socializing in person has decreased by an average of 30% across all age groups since 2003. Thirty-eight million people are using the workplace messaging app Slack as you read this.
We’re more connected than ever, but lonelier than ever.
Unfortunately, these skills aren’t rigorously developed, evaluated, or rewarded in organizations today. One reason is that we’ve called them “soft” for a half-century. Whenever we see something soft or simple, we approach it with less intention and rigor. It’s called an overconfidence bias.
Just 35% of organizations offer relational skills training, and almost 48% of employees said managers, supervisors, and team leaders in their organizations have a “major skills gap” when it comes to communication and interpersonal skills.
One result is an erosion of trust when we need it most. The research is clear: Building trust is impossible without demonstrating care. Neuroscientist Paul Zak’s rigorous experiments show that the hormone that produces a sense of trustworthiness in the workplace is oxytocin, which is released through close relationships in which others pay attention to us, show compassion, and seek understanding.
As more people seek people and organizations they can trust in the “age of AI,” the real upskilling we need in the future of work is in how to care and see, hear, and value the next person we interact with.
The research for my book The Power of Mattering, involving thousands of employees across more than 20 industries, identified three major skill sets for fostering interactions in which people feel that they matter.
1. Noticing. Noticing is the practice of seeing and hearing others. Seeing others is the practice of paying attention to the details, ebbs, and flows of people’s lives and work, and offering proactive actions to show them you’re paying attention. Hearing is demonstrating a real interest in the meaning and feeling behind someone’s words and inviting their experiences, perspectives, and feedback within a climate of psychological safety.
2. Affirming. Affirming is the practice of showing someone how their uniqueness makes a unique difference. Leaders should be able to know, name, and nurture people’s unique gifts, collect and tell stories of significance, give specific, gift-based, and impact-centered feedback, design and delegate tasks to ensure a clear understanding of the work’s significance, and give critique with care and support.
3. Needing. Showing people how they’re needed is ensuring people see how they and their work are essential, indispensable, and non-disposable. Especially as more employees are confronted with the capabilities of AI to do parts of their job, people need to see how they’re uniquely valued and add value.
Each of these skill sets must be developed, measured, and rewarded in environments that enable people to use them.
There are four actions leaders can take to develop, scale, and sustain the essential human skills to create a culture of mattering to cultivate human care and trust.
1. Set a clear expectation. Set and publicly share a clear expectation that people feel noticed, affirmed, and needed by one another and by leaders in the organization.
2. Develop the right skills. Treat human skills with the same rigor as you do operational skills or the pursuit of financial metrics. Name and share the interpersonal skills of seeing, hearing, and valuing others that all leaders must demonstrate. Look for skill gaps and ensure these essential skills are developed through leadership development and coaching programs.
3. Measure mattering. At least quarterly, have leaders self-evaluate the frequency with which they enact mattering skills. Then, measure team members’ experiences with those same leaders' behaviors and calibrate. Within existing culture or engagement surveys, make sure the experience of mattering is measured. The General Mattering Scale by Frederick M. Marcus is a validated measure and includes these five items (adapted for workplace context):
How important do you feel here?
How much does your leader pay attention to you?
How much do you think you’d be missed if you went away?
How interested is your leader in what you have to say?
How much does your team depend on you?
4. Reward interpersonal excellence and redefine high performance. Ensure that leaders who do not enact these skills are not promoted and redefine high performance as achieving results while treating people with dignity and respect. Tie incentives for leaders to the degree to which team members feel valued and know how they add value.
Now, more than ever, mattering matters.
People who have work relationships in which they feel significant develop the sense of self-worth and capability needed to consistently add value. In a study of over 600 employees, those who felt seen, heard, and valued were more satisfied, more likely to be promoted, and less likely to leave.
In other words, when people feel that they matter, they act like they matter— they're more motivated, innovative, and resilient.
And in a time of AI, hybrid work, and constant change, we need more human energy and resilience, not less. The skills to ensure people feel significant is imperative.
Van Bommel, T. (2025). The power of empathy in times of crisis and beyond (2nd edition). Catalyst. (2021).
Mercurio, Z. (2025, May–June). The power of mattering at work. Harvard Business Review.
Gallup, Inc. (2025, January 13). U.S. employee engagement sinks to a 10‑year low.
World Economic Forum. (2025). The future of jobs report 2025: Skills outlook.
Wiley. (2024, March 14). No soft skills training spells missed opportunity for many organizations.
Zak, P. J. (2017). The neuroscience of trust. Harvard Business Review.
Reece, A., Yaden, D. B., Kellerman, G., Robichaux, A., Goldstein, R., Schwartz, B., Seligman, M. E. P., & Baumeister, R. F. (2019). Mattering is an indicator of organizational health and employee success. The Journal of Positive Psychology.